Unsuspected Therapists: Cab Drivers

I am notorious for choosing to share my feelings with random strangers.  Sometimes your secrets are just too juicy, or perhaps your friends are all tired of you complaining about the same bad boy that you’ve dated for the past two years and are now on you 2653253243th breakup.  When I find myself with a mind full of thoughts, with no where to put them, the first place I’m going to is the cab, for 15 minutes of more.

The minute I get into a cab, I’m assessing the situation:

1. Who is my driver

2. What is the situation around his car

3. How old is he?  Does he have kids?  Is he angry?  Will I make him angry?

4. What is his story?  What can he add to my story?

From here, I lay it all out on the line.  With a cab driver, you can really dive into the juicy details (the ones you cannot share with your mom, conservative bestie or even with your own astrologer- you have a reputation to keep up with).  If you are lucky, your cab driver is a 50 or 60 year old Greek, Indian or Eastern European man (Russian is my personal favorite).  They’ll listen carefully (they’re bored) and then give you some old school traditional life advice, which is probably the exact opposite of whatever your friends are telling you.  It’s a fresh new perspective and they never judge if you start to cry.

FYI: from time to time, you will need to pay it back.  I do this by bringing extra pizza to them from functions in the lobby of my high rise, or lending an ear myself.  I once sat in cab for 30 minutes with an especially disturbed new cab-driver friend.  

Give it a try and bare your soul to your cab driver.  The worst that can happen is the chance to look through a book of old photographs they keep in the front seat, some deeper insight into your zodiac sign or, when you really need it, a free pass when your credit card doesn’t scan.

Be Still! The Guggenheim’s Still Spotting New York

I love visiting New York: it’s fast, it’s fun, it’s stylish.  The first time I visited, I walked under and umbrella in the pouring rain, taking in the city, and encountered a gay couple breaking up in front of a cemetary, in the rain, throwing a bouqet of flowers at each other: sigh tres dramatique.

Once in awhile, even the most histrionic diva wants some peace of mind to reflect and revitalize.  This map, provided by the famous Guggenheim Museum, outlines the perfect spots in NYC to sit still and be silent.

http://stillspotting.guggenheim.org/create-your-own/

(hint, mine is on Park Avenue, just outside Central Park, on one of their cement benches under the trees.  So cinematic.)

Daymare: Does Everyone Have HIV??

Any girl who has had one too many glasses of Saki at Nobu in South Beach (by the way, if you have not gone to the Terazza at the Shore Club, it’s a must) knows that one thing can lead to another and before you know it you’re wondering: do I have HIV!?

The good news: you probably do not have HIV.  HIV is rarely transmitted in your usual night-time activities by the pool with a Brazilian Millionaire: kissing, rolling around, getting a little bit of attention from ongoers (but not TOO MUCH).

The bad news: more people contract HIV than you’d guess, and it can be transmitted from oral sex and “just the tip”.

At the end of 2008, an estimated 1,178,350 persons aged 13 and older were living with HIV infection in the United States. Of those, 20% had undiagnosed HIV infections (eek).  Those statistics are growing.  The primary market for HIV: gay males, especially those coming from black and hispanic groups, but think twice before you hop on top of that metrosexual hottie you bring home from the bar: women report contracting HIV from bi-sexual male partners all the time.

So you think you have HIV, welcome to your first HIV scare.  The prognosis if you have it isn’t ideal, but it isn’t what it was in the 90s anymore: it usually shortens the average life, but a full-lifespan IS completely possible if the disease is managed.  Eventually HIV becomes AIDS, which causes your immune system to shut down, making it hard to fight of common colds and the like.  This is further agitated from stress, drugs and alcohol.

Symptoms start to appear two weeks after contraction, showing up with flu like symptoms and a sore throat.

If you think that you have HIV, go and get tested.  It isn’t a death sentence or a scarlett letter- just a health concern to manage and educate yourself on.  In fact, get tested anyway!  HIV is dormant in people for as many as 10 years, so you just never know.

Stay safe and good luck!

Tunes to Tune Your Feelings: He Wasn’t Man Enough For Me

When it comes to breaking down the end to a guy who just didn’t get how to treat you right, Toni Braxton put it the best in her 2000 hit and it is all that needs to be known of it.

Preach Toni:

Self Awareness vs Self Respect

Before you decide why someone is cutting you down, run through a few possible scenarios to determine if it is a case of you needing some self awareness, or a good time to center and stand up for yourself.  Potential scenarios:

1. They see you as a threat- competition, especially amongst women, can be a warfare battlefield all it’s own.  Throw money or a man in the mix, forget about it.

Great quote to get through it:”I like a man who grins when he fights”- Winston Churchill

2. They hate themselves- a simple term in psychology is “projection” which is when someone directs their feelings about on the inside onto you as an external object.  Maybe you resemble something in themselves that they want to change, or perhaps remind them of someone that has hurt them in the past.

Great quote to get through it: “Your problem, not my problem.  Love you.  Bye”- Babe Walker, White Girl Problems

3. They want to be you- jealousy is ugly (and definitely not chic).  Regardless, you cannot help it if someone gets the envy bug.

Great quote to get through it:

What this quote misses (Self Awareness)

1. You offended them– sometimes we do not realize how the things that we say are interpreted by others.  Did you accidentally suggest that she was overweight?  Did you forget to copy her on an invite to the party that you invited almost everyone you know to.  Make sure you aren’t the bad guy.

Great quote to get past your own bs:

2. You have a rude personality that alienates other people- taking a “it’s not my problem” approach to interpersonal relationships doesn’t cut it.  Before you write off someone’s cold shoulder, think about what you are throwing their way: perhaps you are a little too spicy for your own good.

Great quote to get past your own bs:

3. You put it out there- sometimes we find ourselves starting a war with a pretend enemy and are suprised when they turn it around.  Whether it’s cracking a little joke, putting out passive aggressive energy (which is no way for a woman to handle her business) or siding with someone innocently in a fight where you didn’t belong, you may have told this person with your actions that you do not like them without realizing you had sent the message.

Great quote to get past your own bs:

Ice Yourself (and Your Home)

The healing properties of surrounding yourself with crystals (often referred to as geodes) is debated as most metaphysical topics are.  One thing that cannot be debated is how cool they are!  I recently picked up some agate, amethyst, calcite, orthoceras fossil and druzy.

Perhaps in a month I’ll be experiencing some inner healing.  If not, my apartment still looks fierce!

Liberate Yourself!

Next time you are at the nude beach, take off your top and let life go!  99.9% of Americans worry to much about what everyone else is thinking, or how much they should be working, or texting, or following up.  Just let it go and tan your girls!  Trust me, it’s an experience worth having!

Hotels to go topless in Miami Beach: http://www.mysobe.com/miami-beach/top-hotels-topless-miami-beach

Why You Need Your Own Gay

Even before Will and Grace, it was trendy, if not mandatory, to have your own gay.  Time tested and approved, there is no one like your gay when the going gets tough in your boy, hair, weight, self esteem, life happiness, birthday departments.

At the low of lows (I’m talking the freshman 25 and my parents’ divorce) my gay flew to Chicago for my 20th birthday to propose to me with a real engagement ring in front of a restaurant of people.  Talk about dedication you’d never find from a college meat head.

If you’ve ever:

Danced on a stage in a crop top together, having the time of your life!

Made a cameo to a relatives wedding, sitting in the back row whispering and texting

Held hands driving to “Soul Sister” by Train

Broke up in the middle of the night and made up in the morning

Planned to elope (but couldn’t afford it)

or did the duet to “Pictures” by Kid Rock ft Sheryl Crow

You’ve found a keeper in your gay!  To all girls who do not have a gay, it’s a process in finding one of your own, but the next time you need a date for a movie in the park and Mr. Wrong is nowhere to be found, you’ll be glad to have a non-romantic life partner just one speed dial away.

Surprise! You Have HPV. What Next?

Finding out that you have HPV is as easy as finding bumps where you don’t want to find them, if you get my drift.  According to medical sources: these appear as a small bump or group of bumps in the genital area. They can be small or large, raised or flat, or shaped like a cauliflower.

Summary: HPV is not ideal, but unfortunately is wide spread.  Different sources claim that HPV can be caught through skin contact, such as a toilet seat.  Like most unfortunate situations in your nether-world, it is mostly contracts from unprotected sexual scenarios.

So you have HPV, what next?

First of all, your Doctor will probably freeze off the bumps for you, which will leave them slightly red, then they will fade away.  Next, you should ask them to test you for Cervical Cancer on a regular basis.  Ask Meaghan Edelstein, Cervical Cancer survivor if she thought she was the exception.  She ended up with Stage 4 Cancer somewhere in the midst of law school, braved the fight, but had to be a soldier along the way.

Summary:  HPV, caught early, can be a no big deal situation.  Caught late: the disease can run havoc on your life.  So all in all, stay on top of getting tested and don’t freak when you catch an STD early.  It doesn’t have to be the end of your world.

Turning Around Your Frown (Even When It REALLY Sucks)

Admittedly, I found myself on the down and out after a spin out with my latest and greatest crush of the past few months.  Instead of getting lost in a Coldplay/Something Corporate/Slipnot scary early 2000s depression throwback moment, I logged online quickly and became inspired.  First stop, this Self Love Project page that was actually very fun and impressive.  This list that Gala created about things to do when you are upset gave me some much needed inspiration:

 Favorites

 Try on a pair of really, really expensive shoes & act like you’ll be back tomorrow, but you’re just going to go home & think about it. (Bonus points: take a photo of you in them. Often you will need to be stealthy about this but it’s worth doing.)

 Pull a Kid CuDi & announce your retirement from the world of something. Like cooking, or vocal communication. Announce your unretirement whenever you feel like it. OBSESSED!

 Put on your favourite pair of high heels & walk up & down your bedroom/hallway doing your best Miss J impersonation. Have a friend or neighbour who is willing to humour you offer critique. “Girl, you walk like a busted-down freight-train.”

 Spend an hour in your variety store of choice, set yourself a budget ($20?) & buy some junk.Lip treatments, candy, maybe an exfoliating scrub… Then go home & play with your new purchases. There’s a reason it’s called retail therapy, you know (though of course, it doesn’t last). (that’s how I scored this really cute one-eyed lamb statue when my friend Lara moved to Cali)

 Throw yourself head-first into a creative project. Something that you’re excited about but which feels a little too big for you. You’ll be so consumed by it that it will fuel you for ages.

 Flirt with entirely inappropriate people. (This will take me into too far of a dark place, from my experience, so be careful with this one!)

 Make a list of practical, actionable ways you can improve your situation. (Then follow the list.  It actually work).

That boost sent me to a quick stop at Pink Berry for the original with berries and a few chocolate chips for some self-pity low calorie food.  One art project later and some online style blog perusing, I’m back in my zone.

Being down sucks.  Your body hurts and your thoughts are dizzy.  The point is that you do not have to make the feeling become an ongoing part of who you are.  Feel it out, grieve it out, then pump yourself up, no matter what it takes.  Every day you waste feeling sad is a day you could have done something good for yourself and for your life!